Putting Pride in its Place

For some time now, I've been looking for ways to deal with my pride. Of course, there have been many instances that I've considered it a quality; however, it would be foolish not to acknowledge its darker elements. Those of you that are of Christian faith, may even recognize it from the list of seven cardinal sins; but I'll refrain from approaching the topic from this angle. You may all have your own reasons as to why you would like to be more proud and less prideful. Mine stem from what I know it's keeping me from becoming. I know I have a lot of potential but, I'm also well aware that there are things in my nature that prevent me from realizing this potential. Pride happens to be one of the many.

I decided to compile bits and pieces of advice from role models in my life and lessons from personal experiences... resulting in a manageable, acrostic list :) of [mostly mental] exercises that I use to try and keep myself in check. I'm sharing this as a way to continue to keep that up (and perhaps to solicit some comfort in the hope that I'm not alone).

Here is what I have so far: 

1. Proclaim: Denial is not just a river in Ethiopia (N.B. this too, is geographically accurate). Accept what must change. Ask people closest to you to describe your pride (candor is of the essence), and make sure to get examples of situations that would illustrate their assessment. This will help make their comments more convincing to you. Personally, I struggled with this Catch-22: I was too proud to admit that I'm proud. In the end, I found that I needed to hear it from several people before I could learn to accept my truth. This is an easier step than a public proclamation... like a blog post, for instance :)
2. Recognize: Pride is sneaky and manifests itself in many different ways (both negative and positive). Make sure you understand what about your pride is negative and how it manifests itself for you. For example, someone with low self-esteem can be too proud to admit that they need help feeling better about themselves. For most of us, we need to dig a little deeper to really understand what's going on. And those of us that live behind countless layers, need the help of someone that knows us really well and loves us anyway, to help us with the digging. 
3. Invalidate: Take a step back. Often times, pride stems from an inaccurate perception of reality. Expose it for what it is. Invalidate its source.  
• Example 1: What should have been a mere "pat on the back" may grow into a superior perception of self. I mean, can we really take complete ownership of our successes? Or is it more principled to accept that many other things (outside of our control) had to be in place for us to achieve what we did? If I'm losing you on this one, I suggest you read "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. Sure we all vary in aptitude, discipline, talent… and the list goes on. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't feel a sense of pride from your accomplishments; instead I'm saying don't allow yourself to become hubristic. For me, taking a step back always does the trick. Gain sight of your true place in the universe: "Yes, I worked hard to acquire my promotion; but that pivotal proposal would not have been approved had my colleague not helped me meet the deadline". This, to me, is an example of what differentiates pride in its positive form from pride in its negative one.
• Example 2: Sometimes this superior sense of self gets us to act in a less intuitive way. For some of us, being prideful means that we feel we are too good to make mistakes. So in the instances that we do, we are too proud to admit it. This too, is an example of having a superior sense of self. Take a step back. Think of someone that you feel is like you: too good to make mistakes. This is usually someone you idolize, or think of as a role model. Then, make time to speak with them about the errors they've made in their lives (trust me, they will have many). And you'd be surprised how much people are willing to share. Convince yourself that they too are capable of making mistakes; that being a good person, or being a successful one doesn't mean being free of mistakes or imperfections. It means striving in spite of them. Relate this back to how you think of yourself. You are no less of a person for having imperfections; instead, you are better off for having accepted them.
4. Devote: Find a way to always keep this bigger picture in mind. Devote some time to a regimen: It could be prayer, it could be yoga, it could be exercise (mental or physical), or a morning routine that allows you to quieten your mind. Use this time to remind yourself of your goal, regularly. In undergrad, a counselor once told me to (literally) paint a picture of my goals and hang it up in my room. Every morning I would wake up and it would be the first thing I see. I made the Dean's List that semester.
5. Evaluate: Go back to your loved ones that helped you identify and understand your pride to begin with. Talk to them about how you could have handled things better. Have them help you recognize when you're going down that path again. I'm not here yet but I'll let you know how this goes.

I don't know about you but, I take great pleasure in chucking my to-do lists when I'm done with them. There's nothing like the feeling of crossing something off a to-do list. Unfortunately, this just isn't that kind of list. It's the kind that you may never really cross off because, you'll find that you need to revisit each item regularly. At least, that's been true for me thus far.